I crawl into the bed at the end of the day, thankful to be under the warm blankets. They mean rest and peace, even if just for a short time. With my old package of matches, I light the sweet scented candles beside my bed. They illuminate the room with their flickering flame and give me just enough light to read the words on my bible. It lays open above my pillow, and I attempt to read it’s words. I know I should, I know I need to. But a powerful force pulls on my eyelids and I can’t help it when my eyes slowly shut.
I viciously shake my head, and will myself to stay awake and focus on the ink words printed across the silver pages. I begin to notice that I’ve read the same sentence 20 times and it’s meaning still escapes me. I’m trying, I’m trying but I’m just so tired. My body demands that I let it sleep. I let my eyes close, and decide to attempt talking to God instead but I find myself slipping in and out of consciousnesses again. I cannot deprive my tired body any longer. I drop my bible to the floor and it hits with an echoing thud, reminding me that once again, I have failed. The instant my head meets the pillow, I am gone.
I repeat this pattern day after day, unable to utter a word in prayer or read the words in my bible. Because I am tired, worn out, sleep deprived and there simply does not seem to be enough time. I spend my day running fast from one activity to the next. Running, always running. Desperately trying to make the most of the time I have, because the minutes relentless tick by. The clock never stops. The world continues to spin and spin, and time continues to pass me by.
And it terrifies me.
Time is so precious and I must not waste a moment of it. This is why I go through my days desperate to fill up every moment, trying tirelessly to live a life that’s worthwhile. As determined as I am, my efforts wear me thin. They render me exhausted, to the point where I no longer have the energy to spend time with the one who gave me life in the first place. In my desperate attempts to conquer the ever churning clock, I forfeit time with the one who makes my life worth living.
It is irony at it’s finest. The very thing I push out of my neat and tidy schedule, is the very thing I need to face each day. Time with Jesus is essential. It rejuvenates, it heals, it inspires, it teaches, it refreshes our weary hearts. It fills us up to we can be sent out. His word, His presence, it is my fuel. Without, I am simply running on empty. No wonder I find myself burnt out and exhausted. How do I expect to function when my gas gauge is below empty?
Today I went on a walk with God. I forgot work and sports and the pressing deadlines and my neglected to-do list, and I committed some time to Him. I talked to Him, I listened. I was still in His presence and I read His word. And to my surprise and delight, He refreshed my soul. He rejuvenated my tired heart, my weary mind and thread-bare faith. I needed that time with Him so desperately, it had been far too long.
Speaking to my worn-out heart, He brought me to Isaiah 55:
“Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters…
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.”
In this chasm of time, let us invest in what satisfies. In the midst of the running and the trying, let us seek His presence. I know it’s hard and time is ticking. Our desperation to make the most of our short lives, causes it to be so hard to spend time with Him. But it is so necessary, so vital. We need to be refilled. We need to be re-energized. And we need to be refreshed.